Profiles in Motherdom: The Girlfriend’s First (Known) Visit

If you asked any of my close friends about my mother, I’m fairly certain that they would be positive, with one giant stipulation added to the end. My mother is a bit overbearing.

The “Dress Code Nazi”

The woman jumped at the bit to take over a position of dress-code enforcer (commonly referred to as “Dress Code Nazi”) at the local high school the year after my graduation. While it would appear she took the job just for money, having known my mother for a good portion of my life, I feel there were some other underlying motives.

The biggest is her pleasure in enforcing rules upon children. The age of the child doesn’t matter. When my cousins come by the house, my mother is on the ball making sure that the kids speak correctly (my youngest cousin is going through the grunt and squeal phase). Mother dearest is going to try and force unwanted vegetables on my cousin’s plates because “they’re good for you, so you should eat them.” My mother is going to bust kids for having un-tucked shirts and throw them in detention. I’m not sure if it is a power issue or what, she just enjoys being a stickler.

The secondary motive I believe was behind her acceptance of the school enforcer is her absolute need to be involved with her kids’ lives to a point that it invades the children’s privacy. I was lucky enough to miss out on my mother’s job with the school, but my two sisters were not so lucky. The elder of the two sisters spent more of her senior lunch hour avoiding my mother than enjoying time with her friends. Our mother regularly worked lunch duty and would “just stop by” my sister’s table “for a little chat.” I think my life would have been a bit unbearable and my social life all but destroyed if that happened to me. Two points to you sister for not falling into temptations and breaking our mother’s legs. Fortunately for my sister, she only had to endure a year of agony. The younger sister instead had three years. Even less fortunately for the younger sister, our mother moved from the dress code enforcer to a much more little-sister-specific job in the high school. Dress code enforcer didn’t offer enough chance to be in every facet of the youngest daughter’s life, so my mother moved to band secretary. Marching band at our high school was its own clique. The members hide away in the band hall during lunch. They hang out there when skipping classes. They are their own little community. Mother dearest wanted in. She took over the band secretary position and took control of the band hall. She cleared out the loitering students in the morning. She stopped students from having lunch in the band hall. She took her office, invading the community, and slightly spoiled a small section of high school culture. For the sister though, it meant way too much time with Mommy. My youngest sister, despite receiving many qualities from our mother, has always been the one to hate the motherly attention the most. I laugh sometimes that she once wanted to study International Business in college just so she could get as far away from mother as possible. But such is life.

Present Day

Mother is still fairly intrusive into not only my own life, but that of but of my sisters. She’s slowly mellowed out on the stalking (she stopped screening my emails when I was 16 due to me changing my password every chance I got; she still scans through my snail mail when she gets the chance, just more stealthily by bringing it to me and waiting for me to open it). Most day’s she’ll leave me alone to watch television or play on the internet in peace; however, my mother must always try to guilt trip me for not spending time with her. Whatever.

Now with having a girlfriend, my mother has begun to freak out. The fact its a long distance relationship has her even more spooked. I’m not sure if she’s just that worried that if I’m making a long distance relationship work, that its just that serious, or if its because I’m just in a relationship at all. She wants to get way too involved and tell me what to do. That’s no fun. Why on earth would I break up with the girl I love just because I moved away months ago when the long distance is still working strong? I mean I could understand wanting to avoid future hurt, but 1) its not all about the future and 2) its actually working well anyways.

So now I’ve come to the point of the article. My mother is planning to dictate what happens when my girlfriend comes to visit. Apparently, she’s too conservative to let my girlfriend and I stay in the same room. Not to delve too deeply, but we’ve shared a bed once or twice. Being forced into separate beds is pretty ridiculous. The two of us are adults. If anything putting us in separate beds will just force me to sneak her into my bedroom at night anyways. It just seems facetious to me. I know this is just the beginning of the rules too. As soon as the date of my girlfriend’s arrival nears, I’ll be lambasted with rules I didn’t follow despite never being told them. There’s going to be massive cleaning that will have to take place before I’m allowed to pick my girlfriend up. There will be expectations laid out, none of which I’ll be informed of beforehand, adding to a mountain of stress.

So now I’m left pondering how to get out of the one rule I have set forth on me now. Should I ignore my mother’s threats of splitting up rooms and just move the girlfriend in the room with me? Should I just allow us to be placed in separate rooms, then sneak her in? Is there some other ingenious plan that I’m missing? I’m running out of time.

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